Father’s Day can be a particularly challenging holiday for those dealing with some types of father-child related sadness. Learning how to cope with grief on Father’s Day can be an important step towards healing, whether for one’s self, or with helping to support our loved ones.
Mother’s Day is often filled with breakfast in bed and sentimental gifts- the emotion is right on the surface. Father’s Day, however, is often a time for tools, ties, and grilling. Whether it’s because of cultural norms, masculine bravado, or any of a number of other factors, Father’s Day doesn’t generally seem to dig as deep when it comes to emotions.
That’s not to say that love and good intention aren’t built into the holiday. But it is emblematic of the larger challenge. A relationship between a father and child may not involve the overt expressions of love, gratitude, and warmth that we traditionally see in maternal relationships.
As we honor Father’s Day, that can create an added challenge for someone whose father has passed- regret.
This holiday can inherently be difficult for someone who has lost their father. But in addition to that grief, there may be a layer of regret for not having said “I love you” more, not giving hugs more often, not putting the extra thought into the Father’s Day gifts, when you could give them.
There are many other reasons Father’s Day could be a challenge. You may be a man who has lost a child, or on either side of an estranged father-child relationship. You may have always wanted children but don’t have any, or you may be struggling with the demands of fatherhood. You may constantly be traveling and away from home, or not as close to your child as you wish you could be.
How to Honor Father’s Day Without Celebration
What you’re feeling may be eased by finding ways to be overt this Father’s Day, to honor the father-child relationship.
If your father has died, try gather family together to tell stories, cooking his favorite meal to share with friends, or doing an act of community service in support of your father’s passions. Channeling your emotions into positive action can be a healing practice.
For anyone who is struggling, consider what you can control and consider what you can change. If your work is what always has you on the road, would a different career path be able to fulfill you professionally while allowing you to be home more? If family bonding is inhibited because everyone is tied to cell phones and computers, can you have a “no screen” game night once a week?
There will be times that you can’t control the source of your grief: if you and your partner can’t have children, if you aren’t financially able to adopt, if your child is unwilling to repair a strained relationship, if you lost a child. In these cases, consider whether you can insulate yourself from the typical “Father’s Day” celebrations. Gather with some friends at home, instead of going out to eat, so that you’re less likely to face stressors and also more free to step aside if you need a break.
Coping with Grief on Father’s Day
Last month, Jax Therapy Network brought you tips for how to deal with grief and sadness on Mother’s Day, and many of those tips apply for Father’s Day as well.
If you need more extensive support learning how to cope with grief on Father’s Day, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. Jax Therapy Network features local, licensed counselors and therapists, and you can search with keywords like “grief” to find someone who specializes in what you need.
This holiday will continue to be on the calendar year after year, so it’s difficult to just run away or try to “move on”. And you don’t have to. Everyone celebrates holidays differently, and whatever you feel on this day is valid. But planning ahead so you feel supported when those emotions surface can be something that is beneficial for your mental health.
Ready to find your therapist? Search the Jax Therapy Network and find help with mental health stuggles by professional therapists and counseling support.
