The other day, I was flipping through my copy of Dale Carnegie’s
How to Win Friends and Influence People. For those of you not familiar with self-help books from the 1930s, let me give you a quick run-down …

In 1936, human relations and public speaking expert Dale Carnegie put together a how-to manual based on his twenty-four years of teaching business education. His work centered on what makes a person likable and influential, thus improving his ability to strengthen relationships and conduct business effectively. The final result? How to Win Friends and Influence People. His work proved remarkably effective, not only for business tycoons looking to improve their business relations, but for anyone interested in developing more compelling “people skills”. Since its initial publication, Carnegie’s book has sold over 30 million copies, thus becoming one of the best-selling books of all time (Garner, 2011).

I received my copy of Carnegie’s book when I entered high school, a gawky, awkward fourteen-year-old kid who knew very little about acquiring friends and even less about influencing them. While I can’t say that the read totally changed my life (in Mr. Carnegie’s defense, I was far too shy to implement all of his techniques), a lot of what I read stuck with me throughout the years. Recently, in meditating on the value of altruism and how it relates to mental health, I saw a connection between what Carnegie promoted and what I, as a therapist and mental health writer, have often stressed to people trying to improve their overall wellness. The idea is this: In performing acts of altruism (basically, behaving charitably in our words and deeds for the benefit of others), we benefit ourselves as much as the recipients of our kindness.

Generosity Can Benefit Everyone

In How to Win Friends and Influence People, we see only a few examples of how our selfless acts can benefit others in the short term, and everyone (including ourselves) in the long term. Examples of his advice include:

  • Sparing people’s feelings by avoiding criticism;
  • showing appreciation and a genuine interest in others;
  • smiling to make others feel good;
  • remembering people’s names
  • listening attentively to make them feel important
  • letting others speak freely
  • genuinely trying to understand others’ points of view
  • conveying our understanding in our feedback
  • showing an interest in what interests others
  • making others feel important in a sincere way
  • offering honest praise and appreciation
  • letting others save face when they make mistakes
  • pointing out errors indirectly or calling attention to one’s own mistakes before offering necessary criticism
  • asking questions instead of giving orders
  • avoiding arguments whenever possible (Carnegie, 1981)

Looking at the world at large, this emphasis on kind, other-focused, altruistic behavior is still prevalent in our society. Both religion and science not only promote the values of kindness and generosity, but emphasize the ways in which these traits are beneficial to the giver as well as the recipient. Let’s take a look at a few examples of how society, through both religion and science, promotes altruism.

Altruism, from a Religious Perspective

There are countless examples of ways in which world religions uphold the values of altruism and generosity. So let’s look at a few!

In the Hindu faith, an important part of one’s dharma (religious duty) is dana (giving) (Sugirtharajah, 2001). The Bhagavad Gita, among the most important religious texts of Hinduism, speaks of three types of giving, the ideal type being a gift that is given without expectation of reward, beneficial to both the giver and the recipient (Sugirtharajah, 2001). When one is motivated by selfish considerations in giving, the gift loses spiritual value (Sugirtharajah, 2001).

In the Buddhist faith, generosity helps to train the mind towards enlightenment, eliminating greed and ill-will (Liusuwan, 2018). Giving reduces our attachment to material possessions, thus elevating us from a spiritual perspective and increasing positive feelings among humankind (Liusuwan, 2018).

In Judaism, the Hebrew term Tzedakah means “righteous behavior” or “justice” (“Tzedakah 101,” n. d.) Adherents to the Jewish faith are morally required to show concern for the poor, offering material support, as they hold the belief that God is particularly concerned for individuals in need (“Tzedakah 101,” n. d.). Thus, in caring for the poor, Jews strengthen their own relationships with God.

Followers of Christian faiths adhere to the teachings of Jesus Christ surrounding generosity. The Apostle Paul, writing to the Corinthians, said, “Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.” (King James Version, 2017, 2 Cor. 9:7). Many Christians today believe that “It is more blessed to give than to receive,” and that “The liberal [or generous] soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth shall be watered also himself.” (King James Version, 2017, Acts 20:35; King James Version, 2017, Proverbs 11:25).

As these examples show, altruism lies at the core of most religious faiths, inspiring many to give of themselves, whether through financial donations or acts of kindness.

Altruism, from a Scientific Perspective

Mental health professionals have promoted the benefits of giving for decades. While some emphasize the way in which generous acts increase our self-esteem and strengthen relationships, others point out how, the more time we spend thinking “outside of ourselves,” focusing on the needs of others or the outside world at large, the less consumed we are by our own anxiety.

From a scientific viewpoint, researchers have delved into the ways that generosity and altruism benefit humanity. Evolutionary psychologist and Harvard University professor Max Krasnow recently hosted a TED Talk, discussing the ways that altruism (acts of kindness) have helped humanity to survive (TedX Talks, 2020). He suggests that, at the proximate (or immediate) level, altruistic acts appear selfless, but when we examine the ultimate (long-term) purposes of these acts, they are selfishly motivated (TedX Talks, 2020). As an example, Krasnow discusses the urge to defend a weakened party from a bully. While this act appears selfless (the strong defending the weak), there are often long-term motivations that unconsciously drive us, such as the desire for a give-and-take relationship with the party that we are defending (TedX Talks, 2020). We also might be warding off future attacks to ourselves, putting the bully in his place before he has the chance to attack us (TedX Talks, 2020). Looking at the evolutionary purpose of altruism, Krasnow argues that seemingly “selfless” acts not only increase our own potential gains (for example, strengthening relationships or increasing reciprocal generosity), but in the long run, these acts benefit all of humankind, thus strengthening the human species as it continues to develop (TedX Talks, 2020).

Altruism Makes the World a Better Place

In Conclusion…

No matter how we look at it, there are countless sources supporting the idea that altruism makes the world a better place, not only for recipients, but for givers as well. Whether you approach altruism from a religious perspective or a scientific one, the evidence is staggering. And if these sources aren’t convincing, maybe we look at altruism from a pop-cultural perspective. Remember that catchy song from the late 90s, “You Get What You Give”? Turns out, this sentiment couldn’t be more accurate. Thanks for pointing out the truth, New Radicals!

As long as you recognize the value of altruism, why not find new ways of giving, in order to increase your own mental/emotional/spiritual gains? At the end of the day, you’ve got nothing to lose. And you (not to mention the people whom you help) have everything to gain.

Courtesy: Gwendolyn Brown, M.S..

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