“A person is a fluid process, not a fixed and static entity; a flowing river of change, not a block of solid material; a continually changing constellation of potentialities, not a fixed quantity of traits.”
Oftentimes, we get so caught up in what we call “ruts,” we fail to see our propensity for growth and change. Physically, we see ourselves grow. Yet, when it comes to mental and emotional development, we do not give human development its due credit. When things get tough, we tend to conceptualize ourselves as directionless, static beings— non-animated lumps that require constant prodding to awaken from our lethargic stupors. How misinformed we are regarding our own innate self-actualizing capacities.
In On Becoming a Person (A groundbreaking work that revolutionized how the mental health field conceived humanity’s natural tendency towards growth), Carl Rogers asserts that psychological growth is continual and “fluid.” Each day, we are on the developmental move. Analyzing our progress is similar to watching the movement of a clock’s hands. On good days, we click along from one second to the next, completing tasks, overcoming hurdles, and earning ‘attaboys’ for all of our great accomplishments. Other days, we feel more like the nubby little hour-hand, producing few perceivable changes, which sometimes leads us to question whether we’re moving at all. The point of the analogy is, all the hands do move. Regardless of whether we see ourselves as productive, we are developing from one day to the next— physically, emotionally, and mentally.
As long as movement is inevitable, the real question to ask ourselves is, are we moving in a direction that satisfies us? Do we like where we are going? And if we take a look at our lives and find certain aspects lacking, how do we take control and steer ourselves towards the path of self-actualization?
Perhaps the best way to go about planning your route is to better understand the person who’s manning the wheel. Discovering what matters to you—your values, goals, interests, strengths, challenges—is essential to forming any type of meaningful life plan. But, you might be thinking, how does one even get started with such a daunting task?
Engaging in therapy is one invaluable step towards self-exploration and life-planning. Often, while trying to explain our situations to a new, objective person, we end up learning far more about ourselves than we could ever have anticipated. Like paleontologists on a dig, we uncover layers to our identity that have long remained dormant and unexposed. We parse through the paperwork of our brain’s overstuffed filing cabinets, we find pieces to puzzles that we never realized were missing. We come to appreciate ourselves as distinct individuals, separate from spouses, parents, children, friends, and colleagues. External life factors, such as family, friendships, work, and hobbies, no longer define us but add splashes of color to our self-understanding. To quote Oscar Madison from The Odd Couple (Simon, 1966), “What do you mean, nothing? You’re something! … A person! You’re flesh and blood and bones and hair and nails and ears. You’re not a fish. You’re not a buffalo. You’re you!” We are complex, dynamic, constantly evolving little beings. That’s what makes us human. That’s what makes us wonderful.
With self-understanding often comes self-compassion. We forgive our mistakes and overcome resentment. In doing so, we fill cracks in our emotional cement, thus setting a beautiful foundation for future growth. As we extricate ourselves from bonds of regret, we look brightly to the possibilities ahead of us. Forgiving the past lends excitement to the future.
By taking these steps, we are well on our way toward planning our developmental road trip. The point of being human isn’t to trudge along the pre-set train track. It’s to cultivate an inner compass and to discover our own hidden paths. And really, what better way is there to cultivate self-empowerment?
Courtesy: Gwendolyn Brown, M.S..
References:
- Rogers, C. (2012). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy. New York: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company.
- Simon, N. (1966). The Odd Couple. New York: Samuel French, Inc..
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